I have a great love to sit down and create things. I like to make things and I like it better if it works out. well today I was working on a new doll dress. Don't get me wrong if i could buy them at the store I would but this size is not available. So here I am with a pattern and bad instructions trying to piece together a doll dress. Little seams and little sleeves pretty much all little. Then I get done and take one look at it and decide that it is the ugliest thing I ever seen. So I throw it in the trash, but I can't let it go at that no I take it and try to fix it. I have a habit that I love to make things but none of it is ever good enough quality. I also don't understand how you get to be good at something. Because no matter how long I try something I don't ever seem like I get better. I know that I am doing this because I feel like a failure. Her I am with a bachelor and I can't get a job. I so want my husband to come home and I am failing him because I can't get a job. I sorry to bring this all out on you. I don't know even if I will be a good teacher. I lost at what I should do. I am at a place were I am wondering what turn did I miss God? Where did we go wrong? Did you aim for me and my husband to be apart all the time? At first I thought that it would be easy. no fights and no having the kids plays the mom said this or dad said this game. But that not it at all. I miss having my husband. I miss how much fun we have together. I am so sorry for this I know that you guys already know this and I shouldn't put you through this again. I am finished with the pit party. I will get through this because I don't know how but God will be there for us.
Since this blog was so long and so sad I will end on a happy note. While dating my husband was take my brother's date home. She had a steep drive and I had a low car. the two didn't mix well together. My muffler ended up not be attached to the car on the way home. Oh I was so mad I was steaming mad. The car was so loud and shaking like your own full body massage. When we got back to my house I just went straight inside. I did look at anyone and I was not talking. After cooling down for a minute I noticed that the guys were not in the house. They were outside in the drizzling rain trying to fix my car. I felt so bad that I started to make some hot cocoa. Well lets just say that didn't work either the cocoa was bad. I had nothing to offer as an peace offering. They did get it fix a little better not everyone on our side of town could hear my car know. He did fix and I learned that he would take care of me.
6 friends pats:
I sent you an email.
Consider yourself hugged. I will be praying for you - no one needs to feel this way. I think your endurance speaks well of your character. You are such an incredible person!
I will first point out that there are two VERY obvious things you have "made" that are not trash worthy. You have lovingly and skillfully been raising two beautiful little girls. So what if you can't get a doll dress right. At least you tried. That's more than most moms can say. You look at it as a failed attempt to create something. I look at it as a victorious attempt to once again show your girls how much you care about them.
How frustrating it must be to try so hard and not land a job. Whatever the reason is, God is certainly growing your character through this. Don't forget the verse you learned in missionettes....
"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." Philippians 4:8
Esther, you ARE a woman of God.
Esther, you ARE an amazing mom.
Esther, you ARE a desirable wife.
Esther, you ARE a talented crafter.
Esther, you ARE an able educator.
Esther, you ARE a valuable friend.
Esther, you ARE a beautiful, graceful, loving, creative, Godly woman.
I know I am not the only one who believes these things. But it doesn't matter too much what anyone else believes - what do you believe? Do you remember the old song....
Whose report will you believe?
We will believe the report of the Lord!
my most precious memory is of my step mom trying to make us 3 girls matching outfits for the family reunion. They were ugly but we loved them and wore them anyways. i will always remember how much time and love she put into them. She made so much more than matching outfits she made memories i will always cherish. You are also making memories your girls will always remember.
Sweetheart,
You are definitely not a failure. You have no idea what a blessing you have been to me. You hang in there, God has got a tremendous work for you and Tim and He is preparing you both for that time. Know that you are loved and cherished....
You are not a failure! I have admired you forever, from the moment we were both pregnant together and you had the will power to refuse a brownie when I ate two. You have many talents and so much energy. You are always trying new things, inventing new ways to do something and you never rest. To be that person, someone who doesn't quit, who continues to think outside of the box even if it means making a few mistakes in the process, is noble and amazing.
You are an amazing, AMAZING woman of God, mother, teacher, friend, and wife. And you have consistently radiated happiness and a positive attitude through out all of this. That is a success. Anyone else would have whined the whole time, complained to everyone, and exuded negative energy, but not you. That, Esther, is a success. This too shall pass. I promise - just know you are loved and admired by me and apparently a whole possy of blog addicts. Let us know if we can help.
Why can't I ever be brief?
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