Therapy beware

OK we had to run to Brady to give my husband some supplies that he had left at the house. While we were in the car I was listening to this preacher talking about the different ways that people look at their selves. Some have a distorted view that is like the fun house mirrors. He was making the statement that some people feel that because of what they see in the mirror they think that God is saying "you are such a loser if this or that doesn't happen". Well I am getting into the sermon and I really feeling like this is what I need to be hearing. Then all of the sudden from the back seat A says "God doesn't think I am a LOSER." I cracked up laughing and told her that she was totally right. God does not think that she is a loser. I was so proud and then I tried to explain that this man was saying that we were loser. He was saying that we sometimes start to believe things that are not true because of the way we see our self when we are looking at a incorrect image.
I see this in myself how many times have I had people tell me that they don't see the same thing as I do.
This is the way I see myself:
Insecure
Loser
Failure
Weak
I am a person that never has many friends. I feel that I only get close to people that are misfits in some way. I have gotten better at this as I am older but still battle with it. I was always the person that some how was stuck with the different people. I still to this day am intimated by people that are pretty on the outside. I feel that I can't compete with that. No I have never though I was pretty. I always felt like a person in a body that does fit me. I am clumsy and I am not graceful at all. In fact most of the time I was a great clown. I already felt like people were laughing at me so why not give them a reason to laugh. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad.

After listen to this man I realized that I need to find out what God sees in me. Learn to look at myself as he would and not worry about others. Most of the time they are not think of you any where close to what you are thinking. So this is my next goal. What does God think of me? As I am learning from A "God made me special". So this is step one in my quest to find out what God's view of Esther is. Since I was born to a teen parent I have grown up thinking that I was a mistake. I never could figure out why I was a blessing but my mom have a baby at that time was wrong. So I mistakenly thought that since mom timing was wrong I was too. I finally realized that I was a blessing that came from a mistake. My husband was the main person that made me feel pretty. I still struggle with that because I am so much bigger then I think that I should be. I mean in high school I was bigger then my mother and their was nothing that I could do about it. She was very thin to the point that her bones showed all the time. But this left me with the belief that I was a fat kid. I still have time I battle that one but I am beginning to think that most females have that battle.
So know that you have total more information then you need I am going to leave you for know. I will post updates as I am discover what God's see me as. I will be changing this view and I hope that you can make some discovers of your own. Because I do know as my daughter said "God does not think any of us are LOSERS, because God made us SPECIAL.